Lo Siento 1:1 — A Stranger in Our Town

“Guess what,” was how the sheriff started it. The sheriff was named Duke, and Duke had worn the badge for as long as he could remember. He was past his prime, he was overweight from all the drinking, and he always wore a pair of dark sunglasses, which helped to conceal the bad eye he’d had since the day he was born. On his great big lips Duke kept a mustache of the most pristine quality, its form held together by the power of Brylcreem alone, so that whenever there was anything at all that the sheriff wanted to say, the mustache bobbed up and down on his face like a magical harmonica:
“They’re giving me another chance,” Duke went on, setting the whole thing into motion.

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the hole

What about an experience causes you to commit it to memory?

Any memory has a tangible, aesthetic quality, but many of my most memorable experiences have themselves been of a fundamentally aesthetic nature. One such experience took place in 2016, in the month of my 22nd birthday, at the Museum of Contemporary Art in Chicago.

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My Stuff Out In Tucson

An earlier version of this story was originally published by JAKE Magazine on June 20, 2022.

Witness report #1: Collin M.
R_________ Cty Sheriff’s Dept
[Time/date withheld]

It was only twenty minutes ago, maybe twenty-five, but I felt like I was already awake when it happened. At first I thought that someone had broken into the room—but when I turned on the light, I saw that I was all alone. I went outside to see if anything was out of place, but nothing at all had changed out there, either, and I thought for a second that maybe I’d dreamed the whole thing. 

But right as I was turning to go back in, the man from next door came out of his room, and that was when I realized that something must have happened. 

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the first time that i quit smoking

the first time that i quit smoking, i would have nightmares regularly about going back. it would be transactional, the act of consummating the body of the cigarette in its entirety: first i would get it lit, then i would inhale, and slowly, gradually, the distinction between myself and the thing in my hand would disappear completely.

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gaspar noé - "vortex"

the year i got the reel-to-reel was the year that everything died: the man in the storm that spring, her father in the hospice that autumn, all those people from the plague that haunted every screen in the house in between them. it got to be too much. that’s when i got the reel-to-reel.

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the aesthetic experience

exhaustion is the true mode of the aesthetic experience. deep within this gallery where the bodies have gathered, they immerse themselves in conversation so adjacent to the works that it becomes a question whether the art may be only secondary. one begins to wonder why any have come here at all, when it seems they would be equally at home on a stage or in the most deserted parlor room.

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Book Review: The Ghost in the Garden, by Jude Piesse

In her wonderful book, The Ghost in the Garden: in Search of Darwin’s Lost Garden, author Jude Piesse observes that gardens have the unique distinction of being created by people as much as they are by nature. And yet, serving as a contact language between natural forces and the works that can fill a human life, gardens are also capable of taking on significance as something much more than themselves.

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Book Review: Outlandish, by Nick Hunt

In Arthur Schopenhauer’s The World as Will and Representation, he remarks that the permanence of a mountain seems to structure our understanding of the natural world, thereby conditioning the eye for worldly beauty. But what does it mean when the mountain begins to disappear?
On its surface, Nick Hunt’s Outlandish offers a consolation for the apparent loss of this permanence—but it’s a much more nuanced consolation than that. While he does spend a significant amount of time on the effects of climate change, for much of the book he laments the erosion of our signs on the world, by which meaning—civic, geographical, existential—can be wrought. At the core of Hunt’s journey lies the observation that our aging planet, no longer structured by the sets of categories once applicable to it, is becoming comprehensible only in terms of the abstract. In Scotland he discovers a tundra, which he needs the concept of an exclave to explain. In Poland, he finds himself swallowed up within a jungle, finding his bearings by first tapping into the history of the trees, which grow in and among the story of the people. And in the badlands of Spain, he seems to transcend time altogether, an opportunity afforded by the desert’s unique ability to sustain life outside of its featureless terrain. Throughout his every twist and turn, each jaunt across a hand-drawn map, Hunt is surrounded by the slippages of a changing world, which nonetheless suggest something more permanent down below.
What Hunt pinpoints is that it’s not just our landscapes and biomes that threaten to shift to the polar margins, but it’s also our ways of understanding them, and in turn, ourselves. What is a desert, he asks, once its definition is outpaced by the very thing it was written to define? In place of indexable knowledge, Hunt instead offers up the observation that a desert is only a desert once it’s already been deserted—by plants, by animals, by the understanding. In its way, Hunt’s Outlandish is reminiscent of Jean Baudrillard’s America, in which another wandering European finds himself in a desert of signs where he feels out of place—America. In the book, Baudrillard details a continent rendered obsolete by the sheer profusion of its signs—a world which has become, as it were, a desert of meaning.
Yet things operate a little differently in Outlandish. There is still meaning to be found, fluttering flirtatiously at the horizon. Hunt even gives us the rule of thumb that, on level ground, that horizon is just about three miles away. However untenable, meaning in Outlandish is never exhausted completely, and it’s the endurance of life against difficulty—an endurance which Hunt himself demonstrates time over time—which gives meaning its strength. Whether it’s the inverse presence of Nazi symbols in Hungary—cutting directly through history to put the darkest hour in the same moment as our own; or it’s the spaghetti western sets of Spain’s Texas Hollywood, marking the theme park as both its own destination and origin; it’s the pregnant remnants of civilization which allow Hunt to reimagine his relationship with his changing planet, and in turn give himself purpose.
Outlandish isn’t so much a consolation for a meaningful world as it is for a world which sustains us as we furnish its meaning. While the future is dark, it’s the only place left to go—facing backward, gazing forever toward the past. The problem is that what’s behind us has grown difficult to recognize. Before a new nature, and without the proper tools to approach it, it’s this very pivot toward the brink on which Hunt turns. What is this place? he asks. Outlandish answers: “It has lost its name.”

originally published by Pilgrim House on november 21, 2021.